Dear Obama,
Please take a college course in Economics before you decide to give or make anymore fiscal decisions/advice. In fact, don't just take one course. Go ahead and get an entire degree in Economics!
You tell us you're going to bail us out of the current economic rut we're in. And then you turn around and spend over 1.1 trillion (yes, trillion!) dollars on things like your inauguration, bailing corporate companies out and stimulus checks. The thing is, all this money you're getting is tax money. And all the tax money is coming primarily from the middle class people. Guess who makes up a majority of society, Obama? That's right: Middle class workers.
It's basic economics, Obama. If you do not have the money, then you cannot spend it. In personal finance terms, it's called over drafting. And if you're someone like me, an average middle class citizen, it's something that can get you thrown in jail for what's called "check fraud."
You wonder why the banks are floundering and many are going under. Perhaps it is because they don't have enough money. They cannot afford to give out anymore loans, especially to people who aren't going to pay them back. In fact, it's lending like that, like what you're calling for, that's gotten us into this current fiscal mess as it is! Just take a look at history. It's plain as day. Don't try to say the Republicans caused this mess when it's your Democratic policies from the 1980s that did this.
Speaking of history, have you heard of this thing called Keyensian economics? Yeah, that whole idea of if you spend a lot of money, more money than you have, then you'll get your economy back in order? It's only a quick fix. Keyensian economics will never work. It didn't work for Europe. Why do you think it will work for us? Sure, it's worked for the past few decades, but now look where we are. We're a politically and fiscally unstable country full of middle-class workers who are starting to get rather disgruntled.
Open your eyes, Obama. Look around you. Learn some basic economics and history. Once you do that, then you can consider talking to us about what you want us to do with our money. Until then, I highly recommend you keep your mouth shut. Obviously you know nothing about what you're taking about. Like the old adage goes, "it's better to remain silent and appear a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it."
Sincerely,
A Concerned American With Some Common Sense
PS: If you keep going the way you're going and keep attempting to tax the middle class more, you can rest assured that you're going to lose their vote in the 2012 presidential elections. Just thought I'd point that out to you.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
"Battle Studies" -A Review

As a fan of John Mayer's, I've followed him throughout his career. I distinctly remember the poppy, almost bubble-gummy feel of Room For Squares. Then he released Heavier Things, which had a more rocky, edgier feel to it. Later, we got Continuum, which showed a new stage of evolution in Mayer's songwriting. Continuum had a very bluesy feel to it... it felt real. Today, Mayer released his fourth studio album entitled Battle Studies, and I'll admit it- this album is very different. It's not what I expected from Mr. Mayer. So, here's my take on it.
1. Heartbreak Warfare: This is probably my favorite track on this album. It's got layered guitars that almost has a U2 feel to it, and lyrics that are incredibly poignant. I really like Mayer's comparison of love to warfare; while I know that the two are in no way similar, the imagery sticks with you. I also love the bluntness with which this song is written (ex: the line "If you want more love why don't you say so?) It's such a perfect tale of love and the trials that come with it.
2. All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye: This is a simple song with almost a minimalist feeling to it. Acoustic guitars over a piano, drums and bass guitar with Mayer's voice floating over it... it's definitely a different style for him. However, it kind of feels like something's missing... it doesn't exactly feel full enough. I'm not quite sure what it is about it, but I feel this track is a little weak.
3. Half of my Heart: When I first heard this song, I thought I was listening to a country song. And then Taylor Swift began singing. I was blown away! Their voices blend very well, but I feel that for a duet, Swift just didn't exactly get her chance to truly shine on what could be a wonderful song. Don't get me wrong- I do like this song. Once again, it's a very different sound for Mayer, and it's not exactly something I was expecting to hear from him. But all in all, it's a pretty good song.
4. Who Says: Yes, it's a song about everyone's favorite subject! No, not sex. Pot. Indeed, Mayer wrote a song about smoking weed, talking about his personal opinions about the drug (and his possible use). Now, I personally don't really like the message of this song, nor do I really like the song in general. It just feels too short. Personally, probably one of the worst tracks on here.
5. Perfectly Lonely: Now, this song sounds a little more like his previous works. It's got a pretty bluesy intro, and fairly typical Mayer lyrics that talk about his love life, or lackthereof in this case. But I like this song, probably because of the familiarity of it. It sounds full, with just enough of everything in it. And I like the message of independence that's being passed along... the idea of being cool with being single, but also accepting the fact that he knows one day he'll find someone. In general, I like this song. It's pretty good.
6. Assassin: This song definitely doesn't sound like anything we've heard from Mayer before, but it's cool. I like it, personally, and think it's a sound he can definitely pull off. I love the groovy bass line that seems to kind of drive this song, as well as that xylophone (I'm assuming that's what it is) that is played. I also like this lyrics of this song. They're very interesting. From what I understand, it's about a one-night-stand, or something like that. It's a tale that's poetically told, though, with an interesting comparison to the lovers being assassins. This song definitely has a cool funky, and though I used this word before, groovy feel to it. It's something that you can just kind of bob your head to... dance to a little bit. This is another one of my favorite songs on this album.
7. Crossroads: I've heard the original version of this song done by Robert Johnson, and I liked that. I've also heard the version Eric Clapton did with Cream, and I loved that. I also saw a live performance with Clapton and Mayer doing this song, and I thought that was absolutely wonderful! But this version? Ehhh... not so much. In fact, I really don't like this version at all. There's just something about it that I don't like. Maybe it's all the harmonies that are layered over a simple melody. Maybe it's the strange sound of the lead guitar. I'm not sure what it is. But I just do not like this song. In fact, this was the song I was looking forward to the most, and it was just a huge let down. Basically, I really just... yeah. Don't like this version of what could be a great song.
8. War of my Life: This song is Ok. It's just kinda got a soft feeling that I'm not exactly used to hearing from Mayer. But I like the lyrics, especially the line "If fear hasn't killed me yet/ then nothing will." It's a good song, with a very mellow feeling to it. I'm still warming up to it, though.
9. Edge of Desire: This is a kind of slow, almost ballad-type of a song. I'm sure how I feel about the vocals on this track; they almost seem a little stressed or strained. But I like this words. The chorus is blunt; the last line in it almost feels like a suckerpunch to me ("There I just said it / I'm scared you'll forget about me") This song seems to speak to anyone who's been in a relationship and has had a major fight or problem with their significant other, and I love that. It's a song that almost anyone can relate to. It's also an incredibly passionate, moving song. Once again, this is a track that I really like.
10. Do You Know Me: This is another one of those quick little songs on this album. I kind of like this, but it just feels so short. I like the guitar that's played on it, though. But... it's just so short, it's feels hard to get a grasp on it.
11. Friends, Lovers, or Nothing: I love the piano in this song. I almost love the questions that are posed in this song. It's kinda funny in a way, because I'm pretty sure that almost anyone could relate to this song as well. I do like the style of this song. Once again, it's a style that's different for Mayer, but he makes it work.
Like I've said before, Battle Studies definitely has a totally different sound than any of his other albums. Personally, I find it to be a little lacking. It doesn't sound full enough... it doesn't sound complete. There's just something about it, and I can't quite put my finger on it. Regardless, I think Where The Light Is and Continuum remain tied for the position of my favorite album. This could be a really good album with a little more work, but for now, it's just not doing it for me. I'm hoping that if I listen to it some more, it'll rub off on me. I don't know. I guess we'll see. For now, though, I give Battle Studies 3 out of 5 stars.
Monday, November 16, 2009
What's So Great About Them?
In this day and age, television is readily available for the watching, whether it's On Demand or on your computer. It seems, though, that TV stations are constantly premiering new shows, as if they're unable to find a show that works. I've been watching a few shows for several years now, and personally think they're pretty good. After all, what would NCIS be without Tony DiNozzo? Or Bones without Booth and Brennan? How would Sgt. Colbert survive without Ray Person? The list of questions goes on and on. So, here's a few of my favorite TV show characters, past and present.
Name: Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo
Show: NCIS
Quote: I'm the wild card. You know, the guy who looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it.
What's So Great About Him? Every TV show needs comedic relief, and indeed, DiNozzo fills this role for NCIS. His constant jabs at Special Agent Tim "Probie" McGee and amusing flirtations with former Mossad Liaison Officer (now Special Agent) Ziva David provide a light air to a normally serious show. However, his role goes farther than that. Tony is the Senior Field Agent. He's the guy to turn to when Gibbs isn't available. He sees things in a different light (perhaps from his time spent as a homicide cop and all of Season 4 which was spent with him doing and under cover op), and slowly, but surely, we're seeing his character evolve from the chauvinistic playboy he was in Season 1 to the now complex, slightly more mature, and sometimes dark field agent that he is today. His constant references to old movies may drive you insane to begin with, but scratch a little deeper than the surface, and you'll see that he always comes through in the end.
Names: Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan and Special Agent Seeley Booth
Show: Bones
Quote: You see two people and you think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, and that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.
What's So Great About Them? These two are complete opposites, but they show us how other people can fill in our gaps. Bones is a forensic anthropologist who works in conjunction with the FBI via Booth, and in the beginning, all the two do is bicker. However, as the show has progressed, we're being shown more and more about these two. And, indeed, like many shows, this is one of supposedly unrequited love. The ironic thing is, Booth loves Bones, and vice-versa, they're just too dense, or too afraid, to admit or see it. Perfect in their imperfections, though, at the end of the day, they bring out the best in each other.
Names: Sergeant Brad "Iceman" Colbert and Corporal Josh Ray Person
Show: Generation Kill
Quote: Oh, no. Now not only do we have to worry about all the Charms you've eaten, but now Brad's just pissed off God.
What's So Great About Them? Once again, we're greeted with a tail of two opposites thrown in the middle of the same situation. This time, though, it's in the middle of Iraq, during the 2003 invasion. See, Generation Kill was originally a three-part set of articles that was turned int a book published by Evan Wright, a Rolling Stones reporter embedded with this platoon of Marines. HBO turned it into a miniseries, and a pretty good one at that. It focuses on the Humvee that Wright rode in, and these two happened to be in it. Brad Colbert is cool, level-headed and collected, even in the heaviest of battles, thus attributing him his nickname. Josh Ray Person, however, is loud, occasionally obnoxious and rather foul at times. He's self-described as trailer-trash, and more often than not, he gets on the nerves of his fellow Marines instead of helping them. Despite their differences, these two are two of the best people you could ask to have on your platoon. Person is described as being the best RTO in their company, and Brad is looked upon as a heroic figure. These two figures are both self-sacrificing and funny at the same time, as seen when the convoy get's stuck in an ambush one night. Instead of panicking (as I would've done), Colbert begins engaging the enemy while Person gets out of his Humvee and starts yelling at the drivers to "Please! Back the f*** up!" In general, these two men are a wonderful example of a partnership you wouldn't think would work out.
Name: Gabriel Gray/Sylar
Show: Heroes
Quote: Help find a way. Give me salvation. Give me that damn list so I can sink my teeth in! I'm a natural progression of the species. Evolution is a part of nature, and nature kills. Simple, right?
What's So Great About Him? Ahhh... yes. Now we get to the serial killer on my list. Sylar is just... well, he's Sylar. Part tortured soul, part homicidal maniac, all completely amazing. His view of the world is just so incredibly different from anyone else's, it's hard to think that someone like you or I came up with his character. Whether he's telekinetically slicing heads open (and possibly satisfying that cannibalistic urge) or torturing our favorite heroes, he's guaranteed to deliver. After all, he's that villain you love to hate and hate to love.
So, that's my list so far. Perhaps I'll update it and include a few more characters. I'm sure there are plenty out there that deserve recognition. We'll see. In short, I seriously urge you to go and check these shows out. They may very well be worth your time. :)

Show: NCIS
Quote: I'm the wild card. You know, the guy who looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it.
What's So Great About Him? Every TV show needs comedic relief, and indeed, DiNozzo fills this role for NCIS. His constant jabs at Special Agent Tim "Probie" McGee and amusing flirtations with former Mossad Liaison Officer (now Special Agent) Ziva David provide a light air to a normally serious show. However, his role goes farther than that. Tony is the Senior Field Agent. He's the guy to turn to when Gibbs isn't available. He sees things in a different light (perhaps from his time spent as a homicide cop and all of Season 4 which was spent with him doing and under cover op), and slowly, but surely, we're seeing his character evolve from the chauvinistic playboy he was in Season 1 to the now complex, slightly more mature, and sometimes dark field agent that he is today. His constant references to old movies may drive you insane to begin with, but scratch a little deeper than the surface, and you'll see that he always comes through in the end.

Show: Bones
Quote: You see two people and you think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, and that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.
What's So Great About Them? These two are complete opposites, but they show us how other people can fill in our gaps. Bones is a forensic anthropologist who works in conjunction with the FBI via Booth, and in the beginning, all the two do is bicker. However, as the show has progressed, we're being shown more and more about these two. And, indeed, like many shows, this is one of supposedly unrequited love. The ironic thing is, Booth loves Bones, and vice-versa, they're just too dense, or too afraid, to admit or see it. Perfect in their imperfections, though, at the end of the day, they bring out the best in each other.

Show: Generation Kill
Quote: Oh, no. Now not only do we have to worry about all the Charms you've eaten, but now Brad's just pissed off God.
What's So Great About Them? Once again, we're greeted with a tail of two opposites thrown in the middle of the same situation. This time, though, it's in the middle of Iraq, during the 2003 invasion. See, Generation Kill was originally a three-part set of articles that was turned int a book published by Evan Wright, a Rolling Stones reporter embedded with this platoon of Marines. HBO turned it into a miniseries, and a pretty good one at that. It focuses on the Humvee that Wright rode in, and these two happened to be in it. Brad Colbert is cool, level-headed and collected, even in the heaviest of battles, thus attributing him his nickname. Josh Ray Person, however, is loud, occasionally obnoxious and rather foul at times. He's self-described as trailer-trash, and more often than not, he gets on the nerves of his fellow Marines instead of helping them. Despite their differences, these two are two of the best people you could ask to have on your platoon. Person is described as being the best RTO in their company, and Brad is looked upon as a heroic figure. These two figures are both self-sacrificing and funny at the same time, as seen when the convoy get's stuck in an ambush one night. Instead of panicking (as I would've done), Colbert begins engaging the enemy while Person gets out of his Humvee and starts yelling at the drivers to "Please! Back the f*** up!" In general, these two men are a wonderful example of a partnership you wouldn't think would work out.

Show: Heroes
Quote: Help find a way. Give me salvation. Give me that damn list so I can sink my teeth in! I'm a natural progression of the species. Evolution is a part of nature, and nature kills. Simple, right?
What's So Great About Him? Ahhh... yes. Now we get to the serial killer on my list. Sylar is just... well, he's Sylar. Part tortured soul, part homicidal maniac, all completely amazing. His view of the world is just so incredibly different from anyone else's, it's hard to think that someone like you or I came up with his character. Whether he's telekinetically slicing heads open (and possibly satisfying that cannibalistic urge) or torturing our favorite heroes, he's guaranteed to deliver. After all, he's that villain you love to hate and hate to love.
So, that's my list so far. Perhaps I'll update it and include a few more characters. I'm sure there are plenty out there that deserve recognition. We'll see. In short, I seriously urge you to go and check these shows out. They may very well be worth your time. :)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Ball In Hand
Recently, my friends and I have taken to playing pool every Monday and Thursday night at TDU. It's an interesting game to play (and for those of us like me who never did well in Geometry and/or Trigonometry, it's a challenge). We're not very competitive; and truth be told, none of us are really that good (well... Lauren's a beast, as are Spencer and Logan... maybe it's me who just sucks at this game). It's just a nice way to blow off some stress and have fun.
It's interesting, though, if you look at the game of pool in detail... do more than scratch the surface. See, each time you hit the cue ball, generally speaking, you hit another ball, which could hit a couple of more balls. The entire game is cause and effect. If X occurs, then Y will happen.
Now, what's interesting is if you apply it to real life. See, I think we fail to realize that our actions are that cue ball. We are the billiards player, lining up the shot. There are several different factors affecting our decision as to which ball we hit with the cue ball, such as location of the cue ball, location of the ball we want to hit, and what game we're playing. In the end, though, we hit the cue ball, making our decision, and ultimately changing the fate of someone else.
Sound confusing?
Yeah, I thought so too until I thought about it some more.
See, I think we fail to realize that our decisions affect more than one person. How we live our lives and make our decisions affect people on the outside, too... people like friends and family, or even strangers that we may not know. Just like that billiards player lines up the shot and hits the cue ball, thus affecting the other balls on the table and players, our decisions help progress our lives but also have repercussions outside of ourselves.
When my friends and I play, we have a rule called "ball in hand." Basically, when the person shooting fails to hit a ball, scratches, or hits the wrong ball, the person after them gets to take the cue ball and set it anywhere on the table. I challenge you to be that player who's followed the person who's scratched. How will your actions affect those around you? What consequences, positive or negative, will they have?
The ball's in your hand.
Make your shot.
It's interesting, though, if you look at the game of pool in detail... do more than scratch the surface. See, each time you hit the cue ball, generally speaking, you hit another ball, which could hit a couple of more balls. The entire game is cause and effect. If X occurs, then Y will happen.
Now, what's interesting is if you apply it to real life. See, I think we fail to realize that our actions are that cue ball. We are the billiards player, lining up the shot. There are several different factors affecting our decision as to which ball we hit with the cue ball, such as location of the cue ball, location of the ball we want to hit, and what game we're playing. In the end, though, we hit the cue ball, making our decision, and ultimately changing the fate of someone else.
Sound confusing?
Yeah, I thought so too until I thought about it some more.
See, I think we fail to realize that our decisions affect more than one person. How we live our lives and make our decisions affect people on the outside, too... people like friends and family, or even strangers that we may not know. Just like that billiards player lines up the shot and hits the cue ball, thus affecting the other balls on the table and players, our decisions help progress our lives but also have repercussions outside of ourselves.
When my friends and I play, we have a rule called "ball in hand." Basically, when the person shooting fails to hit a ball, scratches, or hits the wrong ball, the person after them gets to take the cue ball and set it anywhere on the table. I challenge you to be that player who's followed the person who's scratched. How will your actions affect those around you? What consequences, positive or negative, will they have?
The ball's in your hand.
Make your shot.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Luckiest
I've been going through an interesting stage of life and self-discovery for the past couple of weeks. It's been rather interesting, too. But, I guess I should start from the beginning.
I've never been a very religious person. I mean, I was raised in the Methodist Church, baptized in the Methodist Church, confirmed in the Methodist Church. But, I guess the idea of religion never really took to me... or perhaps I distanced myself from it at some point. Either way, somewhere a long the way, I "stopped being Christian."
Now, this is not to say I was an atheist. No, I wasn't an atheist. I'd say I was more... agnostic. I believed that there was some guiding force out there. I believed that there was some form of intervention. I just wasn't sure what it was.
Perhaps this whole journey began back in my sophomore year of high school. See, I had a Sunday School teacher whom everyone loved and enjoyed being around... except for me. I didn't agree with what he taught, nor did I really agree with how he taught it. And this all just happened to coincide with several events that affected the youth group I went to. I guess the combination of these events led to my rejection of what they were attempting to teach me. I still went to church on Sundays, but it was reluctantly, and with great frustration (and by my senior year of high school, it usually involved a big fight as well). I still went to youth group, and I even became the president of the youth group during my senior year (a grand total of.... 10 people! And that's on a good day), but I didn't enjoy what I was doing.
It probably didn't help that I had a personal crisis during my senior year. See, I've never been a very emotional person. That's not something I like to delve into. I compartmentalize things... tuck them neatly into their little boxes where they're supposed to stay. And in the beginning of my senior year, my entire world was rocked.
My Poppy died during the first week of school my senior year after a long battle with Congestive Heart Failure. For five years, I watched him fight this condition, and it was always one step forward and two steps back with him. And for those five years, I constantly wrestled with one question- how could a God who's supposed to be so merciful cause my Poppy so much pain and suffering? Poppy had never done anything wrong; why was he the one to go through this?
Throughout my senior year, I continued to grapple with this question. And in the meantime, I was forced to confront my own mortality and my own emotions. I'll admit it- I was bitter after Poppy died. I was depressed after Poppy died. Hell, truth be told, I'll still bitter, and to an extent, I'm still depressed. And strong emotions like grief and I don't do well together. We butt heads because grief needs to be fully expressed before one can accept it and go on, and I simply did not want to deal with that. I wanted the grief to get tucked in its little box in the back of my head.
As my senior year went on, I found that I gained no comfort in anything. My parents couldn't comfort me because more often than not, we were at each other's throats. I couldn't bury myself in school work or actual work because eventually, I'd run out of things to do. I couldn't attempt to supress my emotions with running because running can only block out but so much. And I couldn't find comfort in religion because I was constantly questioning it.
Eventually summer came, and my parents couldn't force me to go to church because I was working most Sundays. May led to June, which in turn led to July and August, and eventually I found myself up at college. At Student Org Night, I gravitated towards the Wesley Foundation table out of sheer habit; after all, being raised a Methodist, it was only natural that I checked out the Methodist organization that was on campus. But I never went to any of their events or meetings. And when I was home, I only went to church on holidays, like Good Friday or Easter. Once more, I found myself home for summer, and once again, I was working most Sundays. However, I noticed a new trend- my parents had stopped going to church. This puzzled me. Here were the people who just a year ago had forced me to go to an institution I hated with a passion, and yet they were sleeping in every Sunday morning. I took it with a grain of salt, though. They were adults; they could make their own decisions. Instead, I took to working all the time, occasionally pausing to consider the possibility of religion.
Now, I find myself back up at school again. A week ago, I decided to take a leap and go to the Wesley Foundation's Tuesday evening Bible Study. The next day, I found myself hauling my tired bones out of bed at 06:30 AM to go to 08:00 AM Communion. I was shocked at how I was treated, but in a good way. The members of the Wesley Foundation welcomed me with open arms. They knew I was grappling with the idea of God and Jesus and whatnot, and yet they still welcomed me. And truth be told, I'm still in awe of it. I'm in awe of it, but I'm also thankful.
I'm still wrestling with the idea of religion as I write this post. I'm sure I'll be wrestling with it for a long time after this. After all, I'm the logical person in my family. It's only natural that I attempt to understand something that I truly can't. But for now, I'm Ok with it. See, I think I've found a place where I can voice my opinions and questions without prejudice. I think I've found a group of people that I can talk to and trust. I think that maybe, just maybe, I've found a community.
And for that, I am thankful. Truly, deeply, utterly and completely thankful.
I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw Your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest.
-Ben Folds, "The Luckiest"
I've never been a very religious person. I mean, I was raised in the Methodist Church, baptized in the Methodist Church, confirmed in the Methodist Church. But, I guess the idea of religion never really took to me... or perhaps I distanced myself from it at some point. Either way, somewhere a long the way, I "stopped being Christian."
Now, this is not to say I was an atheist. No, I wasn't an atheist. I'd say I was more... agnostic. I believed that there was some guiding force out there. I believed that there was some form of intervention. I just wasn't sure what it was.
Perhaps this whole journey began back in my sophomore year of high school. See, I had a Sunday School teacher whom everyone loved and enjoyed being around... except for me. I didn't agree with what he taught, nor did I really agree with how he taught it. And this all just happened to coincide with several events that affected the youth group I went to. I guess the combination of these events led to my rejection of what they were attempting to teach me. I still went to church on Sundays, but it was reluctantly, and with great frustration (and by my senior year of high school, it usually involved a big fight as well). I still went to youth group, and I even became the president of the youth group during my senior year (a grand total of.... 10 people! And that's on a good day), but I didn't enjoy what I was doing.
It probably didn't help that I had a personal crisis during my senior year. See, I've never been a very emotional person. That's not something I like to delve into. I compartmentalize things... tuck them neatly into their little boxes where they're supposed to stay. And in the beginning of my senior year, my entire world was rocked.
My Poppy died during the first week of school my senior year after a long battle with Congestive Heart Failure. For five years, I watched him fight this condition, and it was always one step forward and two steps back with him. And for those five years, I constantly wrestled with one question- how could a God who's supposed to be so merciful cause my Poppy so much pain and suffering? Poppy had never done anything wrong; why was he the one to go through this?
Throughout my senior year, I continued to grapple with this question. And in the meantime, I was forced to confront my own mortality and my own emotions. I'll admit it- I was bitter after Poppy died. I was depressed after Poppy died. Hell, truth be told, I'll still bitter, and to an extent, I'm still depressed. And strong emotions like grief and I don't do well together. We butt heads because grief needs to be fully expressed before one can accept it and go on, and I simply did not want to deal with that. I wanted the grief to get tucked in its little box in the back of my head.
As my senior year went on, I found that I gained no comfort in anything. My parents couldn't comfort me because more often than not, we were at each other's throats. I couldn't bury myself in school work or actual work because eventually, I'd run out of things to do. I couldn't attempt to supress my emotions with running because running can only block out but so much. And I couldn't find comfort in religion because I was constantly questioning it.
Eventually summer came, and my parents couldn't force me to go to church because I was working most Sundays. May led to June, which in turn led to July and August, and eventually I found myself up at college. At Student Org Night, I gravitated towards the Wesley Foundation table out of sheer habit; after all, being raised a Methodist, it was only natural that I checked out the Methodist organization that was on campus. But I never went to any of their events or meetings. And when I was home, I only went to church on holidays, like Good Friday or Easter. Once more, I found myself home for summer, and once again, I was working most Sundays. However, I noticed a new trend- my parents had stopped going to church. This puzzled me. Here were the people who just a year ago had forced me to go to an institution I hated with a passion, and yet they were sleeping in every Sunday morning. I took it with a grain of salt, though. They were adults; they could make their own decisions. Instead, I took to working all the time, occasionally pausing to consider the possibility of religion.
Now, I find myself back up at school again. A week ago, I decided to take a leap and go to the Wesley Foundation's Tuesday evening Bible Study. The next day, I found myself hauling my tired bones out of bed at 06:30 AM to go to 08:00 AM Communion. I was shocked at how I was treated, but in a good way. The members of the Wesley Foundation welcomed me with open arms. They knew I was grappling with the idea of God and Jesus and whatnot, and yet they still welcomed me. And truth be told, I'm still in awe of it. I'm in awe of it, but I'm also thankful.
I'm still wrestling with the idea of religion as I write this post. I'm sure I'll be wrestling with it for a long time after this. After all, I'm the logical person in my family. It's only natural that I attempt to understand something that I truly can't. But for now, I'm Ok with it. See, I think I've found a place where I can voice my opinions and questions without prejudice. I think I've found a group of people that I can talk to and trust. I think that maybe, just maybe, I've found a community.
And for that, I am thankful. Truly, deeply, utterly and completely thankful.
I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw Your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest.
-Ben Folds, "The Luckiest"
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Insanity At Its Finest
Main Entry: in·san·i·ty
Pronunciation: \in-ˈsa-nə-tē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural in·san·i·ties
Date: 1590
1 : a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder (as schizophrenia)
2 : such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility
3 a : extreme folly or unreasonableness b : something utterly foolish or unreasonable
4 : doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results
My friends and I were the definition of insanity earlier tonight. After all, who'll drag two guys and a middle school-aged child down into the kitchen and make brownies? Absolute and complete insanity!
I guess I ought to start from the beginning. This weekend was family weekend at my school, so we had a lot of guests up here. My suitemate's younger sister came up and was staying with her, so we decided that we were going to make brownies. Friday night, we began the preparations, "we" being me, my suitemate Lauren, her roommate, Stephanie, and our friend, Logan. We all piled into Logan's car and drove over to Wal-Mart. Logan bought a Snuggie and a Nerf gun, I bought Apples to Apples and The Chronicles of Riddick, and Lauren bought brownie supplies (including the Perfect Brownie pan- As seen on TV). After running around Wal-Mart and scaring a few fellow customers, we decided it was time to head back to campus. It was only when we got back to our dorm that we realized that we forgot two crucial ingredients for our brownies- oil and eggs. No one wanted to go buy them from the convenience store on campus; after all, they charge an arm and a leg for EVERYTHING! So, we decided to wait until the next day to go get the supplies.
Fast forward 24 hours, and we're back at Wal-Mart again. Lauren's younger sister had arrived earlier in the day, so she'd joined us for our trip. Immediately, she and Logan get to bickering back and forth (in a nice, slightly humorous way). And oh was it funny. Logan got owned by her! I swear, I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life!
Eventually, we get all of our supplies and make our way back to campus. As I head to go get the kitchen key from the RA on duty, the rest of the group goes to rally the troops and meet me down there. When I get to the kitchen, I find that we've been joined by Lauren's roommate, Stephanie, and Logan's roommate, Spencer. As I walk into the kitchen, Lauren pulls me aside, telling me everyone's in the cabinets. Well, sure enough, Logan's hiding in the tall one that runs from the floor to the ceiling. Spencer's somehow managed to stuff himself into a tiny cabinet under the sink and Stephanie's in another small cabinet across the kitchen. Immediately, I could tell this was going to be interesting.
As we got ready to make the brownies, we realized that we epically failed in the planning department, as we had no bowl to mix the batter in, nor did we have anything to mix it with. Eventually, we got a pot from the RA and I found a spoon and fork in my room that were clean. I ended taking over the measuring duties, Stephanie mixed everything and Lauren's sister watched us like a hawk, waiting for one of us to give her the bowl to lick after we were done with it. Lauren poured the batter into her "Perfect Brownie" pan, and Logan made makeshift oven mits with the box (another oversight of ours) while Spencer stole Stephanie's flipflops and she chased him all around the basement trying to get it back. In the middle of all this, Lauren's sister finally got her wish, and was perched happily on the counter doing nothing other than licking the bowl.
With the brownies now in the oven, we did what any college student would do on a Saturday night- hang out in the study lounge. Mind you, it was completely empty (thank goodness). As we waited, we found our own different ways to entertain ourselves. Logan and Spencer took to ambushing any misfortunate soul who happened to venture down into the study lounge with their soda bottles. When they weren't ambushing people, Spencer continued to steal Stephanie's flip-flops. Lauren, Lauren's sister and I did the Cupid Shuffle (though I did mine in the traditional Midlothian style, much to their confusion). And Logan continued to be tormented by Lauren's sister. In short, it was just another normal Saturday night.
Eventually, we checked the brownies (Logan got burnt while taking them out, and then got burnt again when putting them back in after Lauren and I decided that they weren't done enough). So, we went back to creating chaos in the study lounge again. I've got to be honest- I've never had to much fun in the study lounge before. Logan and Spencer were running around like lunatics, Lauren and I were laughing at them, and in general, it was just a great night.
After a few more minutes, we checked the brownies and decided that they were done. This only added even more chaos, as we were all attempting to get brownies (om nom nom nom nom nom... inside joke, sorry). With our baked-goods craving satisfied, we continued to create chaos in the study lounge. All good things must come to an end, though, and soon enough, we were all tired and ready to go to bed. I know, it's amazing! Who would've thought that college kids could get tired?
But, yeah. That was my Saturday night. It was completely crazy, and truth be told, you probably had to be there in order to realize just how great it was. All I can say is that I've got the best friends here, and this past weekend was probably one of the best weekends I've ever had. :)
Pronunciation: \in-ˈsa-nə-tē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural in·san·i·ties
Date: 1590
1 : a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder (as schizophrenia)
2 : such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility
3 a : extreme folly or unreasonableness b : something utterly foolish or unreasonable
4 : doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results
My friends and I were the definition of insanity earlier tonight. After all, who'll drag two guys and a middle school-aged child down into the kitchen and make brownies? Absolute and complete insanity!
I guess I ought to start from the beginning. This weekend was family weekend at my school, so we had a lot of guests up here. My suitemate's younger sister came up and was staying with her, so we decided that we were going to make brownies. Friday night, we began the preparations, "we" being me, my suitemate Lauren, her roommate, Stephanie, and our friend, Logan. We all piled into Logan's car and drove over to Wal-Mart. Logan bought a Snuggie and a Nerf gun, I bought Apples to Apples and The Chronicles of Riddick, and Lauren bought brownie supplies (including the Perfect Brownie pan- As seen on TV). After running around Wal-Mart and scaring a few fellow customers, we decided it was time to head back to campus. It was only when we got back to our dorm that we realized that we forgot two crucial ingredients for our brownies- oil and eggs. No one wanted to go buy them from the convenience store on campus; after all, they charge an arm and a leg for EVERYTHING! So, we decided to wait until the next day to go get the supplies.
Fast forward 24 hours, and we're back at Wal-Mart again. Lauren's younger sister had arrived earlier in the day, so she'd joined us for our trip. Immediately, she and Logan get to bickering back and forth (in a nice, slightly humorous way). And oh was it funny. Logan got owned by her! I swear, I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life!
Eventually, we get all of our supplies and make our way back to campus. As I head to go get the kitchen key from the RA on duty, the rest of the group goes to rally the troops and meet me down there. When I get to the kitchen, I find that we've been joined by Lauren's roommate, Stephanie, and Logan's roommate, Spencer. As I walk into the kitchen, Lauren pulls me aside, telling me everyone's in the cabinets. Well, sure enough, Logan's hiding in the tall one that runs from the floor to the ceiling. Spencer's somehow managed to stuff himself into a tiny cabinet under the sink and Stephanie's in another small cabinet across the kitchen. Immediately, I could tell this was going to be interesting.
As we got ready to make the brownies, we realized that we epically failed in the planning department, as we had no bowl to mix the batter in, nor did we have anything to mix it with. Eventually, we got a pot from the RA and I found a spoon and fork in my room that were clean. I ended taking over the measuring duties, Stephanie mixed everything and Lauren's sister watched us like a hawk, waiting for one of us to give her the bowl to lick after we were done with it. Lauren poured the batter into her "Perfect Brownie" pan, and Logan made makeshift oven mits with the box (another oversight of ours) while Spencer stole Stephanie's flipflops and she chased him all around the basement trying to get it back. In the middle of all this, Lauren's sister finally got her wish, and was perched happily on the counter doing nothing other than licking the bowl.
With the brownies now in the oven, we did what any college student would do on a Saturday night- hang out in the study lounge. Mind you, it was completely empty (thank goodness). As we waited, we found our own different ways to entertain ourselves. Logan and Spencer took to ambushing any misfortunate soul who happened to venture down into the study lounge with their soda bottles. When they weren't ambushing people, Spencer continued to steal Stephanie's flip-flops. Lauren, Lauren's sister and I did the Cupid Shuffle (though I did mine in the traditional Midlothian style, much to their confusion). And Logan continued to be tormented by Lauren's sister. In short, it was just another normal Saturday night.
Eventually, we checked the brownies (Logan got burnt while taking them out, and then got burnt again when putting them back in after Lauren and I decided that they weren't done enough). So, we went back to creating chaos in the study lounge again. I've got to be honest- I've never had to much fun in the study lounge before. Logan and Spencer were running around like lunatics, Lauren and I were laughing at them, and in general, it was just a great night.
After a few more minutes, we checked the brownies and decided that they were done. This only added even more chaos, as we were all attempting to get brownies (om nom nom nom nom nom... inside joke, sorry). With our baked-goods craving satisfied, we continued to create chaos in the study lounge. All good things must come to an end, though, and soon enough, we were all tired and ready to go to bed. I know, it's amazing! Who would've thought that college kids could get tired?
But, yeah. That was my Saturday night. It was completely crazy, and truth be told, you probably had to be there in order to realize just how great it was. All I can say is that I've got the best friends here, and this past weekend was probably one of the best weekends I've ever had. :)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
25 Things
A while back, these "25 Things" notes were floating around on Facebook, clogging up users feeds with new stories from their friends. Now, I never posted one of these things, but I have written a few of them (I think I really have 100 random things saved somewhere). Anyway, I've decided to post one of my lists here, just for the heck of it. So, here it goes. My 25 things.
1) When I played softball, I rolled down the top of my right sock for good luck
2) This habit of rolling my right sock down eventually led me to win 3 championships in 6 years.
3) If I ever disappear in a store like Wal-Mart or Target, chances are you can find me in the books or TV on DVD section
4) I tend to be really intuitive to the point of knowing when something bad is going to happen before it actually occurs
5) Call it a gut feeling, an ability to read body language, or an extension of this whole intuition thing, but I also tend to know how someone is feeling before I talk to them.
6) I think it'd be really sweet if I could beat-box
7) My sense of humor tends to be very dry and twisted. As a result, I'm often the one laughing at inappropriate moments.
8) I know how to operate a really complex pump system for a pool, but often get confused when doing simple things (like using a microwave)
9) I'm pretty convinced that I suffer from undiagnosed ADD
10) I respect the members of our military with every fiber in my being and wish I was tough enough to do what they do and make the sacrifices they make
11) "She Don't Want The World" by 3 Doors Down makes me want to cry
12) For a year, I couldn't listen to the song "Without You" from RENT because it made me think of my Poppy
13) Sarcasm is my second language
14) And George Carlin is my favorite comedian
15) I am absolutely clueless when it comes to doing math. Seriously, I am
16) I have a horrible habit of picking at my cuticles/nails when I'm nervous or uncomfortable
17) I get really frustrated when people are lazy, incompetent or just plain ignorant.
18) I also have an extremely low bullshit tolerance
19) My dad and I are similar in more ways than I'd like to admit, but it's Ok. We have a lot of interesting conversations (mostly about politics)
20) Speaking of my dad, I've learned more from him that I have from all of my teachers/professors combined. I don't know what I'd do without him
21) I am a libertarian and believe that our government needs to undergo a complete overhaul and return to the original ways of the constitution
22) I have little sympathy for people who refuse to get up off their asses and work for what they want, and then complain about everything
23) If a good song is playing on the radio while I'm in the car, chances are I'll start dancing. And I'm not a good dancer.
24) My favorite TV shows are NCIS, Bones, Fringe and Heroes
25) I'm a sucker for the guy next door. I'm also a sucker for a man in uniform, and a guy with pretty eyes.
1) When I played softball, I rolled down the top of my right sock for good luck
2) This habit of rolling my right sock down eventually led me to win 3 championships in 6 years.
3) If I ever disappear in a store like Wal-Mart or Target, chances are you can find me in the books or TV on DVD section
4) I tend to be really intuitive to the point of knowing when something bad is going to happen before it actually occurs
5) Call it a gut feeling, an ability to read body language, or an extension of this whole intuition thing, but I also tend to know how someone is feeling before I talk to them.
6) I think it'd be really sweet if I could beat-box
7) My sense of humor tends to be very dry and twisted. As a result, I'm often the one laughing at inappropriate moments.
8) I know how to operate a really complex pump system for a pool, but often get confused when doing simple things (like using a microwave)
9) I'm pretty convinced that I suffer from undiagnosed ADD
10) I respect the members of our military with every fiber in my being and wish I was tough enough to do what they do and make the sacrifices they make
11) "She Don't Want The World" by 3 Doors Down makes me want to cry
12) For a year, I couldn't listen to the song "Without You" from RENT because it made me think of my Poppy
13) Sarcasm is my second language
14) And George Carlin is my favorite comedian
15) I am absolutely clueless when it comes to doing math. Seriously, I am
16) I have a horrible habit of picking at my cuticles/nails when I'm nervous or uncomfortable
17) I get really frustrated when people are lazy, incompetent or just plain ignorant.
18) I also have an extremely low bullshit tolerance
19) My dad and I are similar in more ways than I'd like to admit, but it's Ok. We have a lot of interesting conversations (mostly about politics)
20) Speaking of my dad, I've learned more from him that I have from all of my teachers/professors combined. I don't know what I'd do without him
21) I am a libertarian and believe that our government needs to undergo a complete overhaul and return to the original ways of the constitution
22) I have little sympathy for people who refuse to get up off their asses and work for what they want, and then complain about everything
23) If a good song is playing on the radio while I'm in the car, chances are I'll start dancing. And I'm not a good dancer.
24) My favorite TV shows are NCIS, Bones, Fringe and Heroes
25) I'm a sucker for the guy next door. I'm also a sucker for a man in uniform, and a guy with pretty eyes.
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